Too much to say....

So if many of you don't know i do have another blog, Called The bills Family. I write about my Trying to Conceive journey, the kids and my wonderful life with my husband. Yes i could do it here, but i just decided to create a new one instead. lol So yes Jac and I have been trying to have a baby, which most all of you know. we are going on a year and 7 months of trying. Its been a very rough journey, trial I've had in a real long time. I'm learning to be more patient and to have more faith. To enjoy the family i have now more. I'm a stay at home mom still, learning to love it more each day, sure does make me crazy some days. but its the best, i would not want to trade it for anything. I am also very happily married to my best friend. Things are going really good, were still learning to handle things and each others personalities and to communicate better. But Hey we have 50 years still right. lol Well if you want to know more about the bills family and my TTC journey, go find my other blog.

Thought

You can't change the past. But you can change the ending of your future. You can do this everyday. You have the choice to make the decision of your future, good or bad. Its all up to you to do it. We have the power to make our own happiness and our own magic of our future. If you want the passion, the happiness, the organization, the stress free. You can make the choice to be who you want and to change your ending of your future.

I heard the first two lines of this yesterday. The rest is from me. I am currently struggling with some things. Patience, understanding organization, ttc. All of it has been getting to me. But i can't change the past. I can improve my future, by working hard with my present. One step at a time.

just an update.

My divorce is all final. Moving on with my life and enjoying every minute of it. I do wish though that sully would try to make more time for his kids. His schedule is always changing and i never know really whats going to happen or if he will have the kids this week or what. It just makes me said for my kids. I love them so much and i want them to be happy to have a great life. To enjoy everything that life can bring them. I want them to have a bond with there dad and have time with him just over 24 hours is really not enough.

Anyways. Jac proposed to me on January 17,2011 a really great day. His mom made a beautiful stained class heart with a rose on it very beautiful. Its a long story but he told me that the heart represent him and that he was giving me his heart. Then knelt down on one knee and asked me to marry him. Was just so perfect. We set a date for April 9,2011. Were very excited to spend our lives together. Its meant to be.

Here's to a new Year- 2011

I am ready, i am ready for everything that is brought to me.The challenges i get, the Love and happiness that i have. More importantly the adventures i have. As for now i look forward to the long loving relationship i am building with my best friend. I am going to start this new year with hope, faith, love, trust in myself and with others. I am going to make everything in my life and around me so much better. I am going to be a better and positive person.I am so many goals in mind and written down i am so very excited for them and i am going to achieve them. I am very pleased with my life and i love it. I am going to keep smiling and this year 2011 will be the best year ever.

Whats next!

I have been thinking a lot lately on whats next for me and my family. I have pondered on what has happened the last few months, how my happiness and spirit has changed. How my gratitude and love has grown. It amazes me on how my life has changed and my attitude at that. How much i have grown and matured through the last several months. Its like i just blinked my eyes and it still feels like its not real at times. In the last several years when i would think about the step of leaving my husband and being a single mom, i never pictured it being like this. I always doubted myself and thought i would never make it, thought love would never find me,a single mom two children who would want that, i thought. I never thought i could make it leaving in my own apartment after leaving him or being able to succeed at all. I felt so down to earth and so for sure on knowing that i couldn't do it and so i should just keeping trying and have more patience things will get better. The wonderful thing about all of this is that i have proven myself wrong in so many ways. I am a single mom of two children, i live in my own apartment, and i have found love again. I have made it for myself and for my children. I have gotten further than i ever thought i would. I am going 5 months without the man i was with for 5 years and i am still trucking along. I am so very proud of myself, for making the best decision i could have ever made for myself. I am the happiest person there could ever me on this earth. I don't have jewels, or riches,or money either. I have family and friends, my children and the man i have fallen so deeply and madly in love with. So whats next for me is a new positive attitude. A new change, and new hope and a new way of life.
Growing up was difficult and i was depressed a lot and then getting married, at that point i thought it was the best decision for me and that it was the right path for me to take, i believe this man was the one. Then after being married for over a year i had doubt and so much had change but i kept trying, the depression was holding on too me as well, and with everything i was going through in the marriage made it so hard. I was not on medicine, i didn't actually take any medicine for depression until over a year ago, now i am off of it. I changed my mind, my way of thinking, the positive attitude, also not letting things getting to me as much. I have learned a lot and i am excited for once in my life to know i am truly happy and i can now look forward to a future of knowledge, hope, love, and happiness.

Fall 2010

Its been a pretty good time of the year so far. Enjoying having lots of time with the kids. Went to black Island farms for Abby's field trip that was a really fun family activity. Then took the kids to trick or treat at lee's that was fun. Went to a trunk or treat with the kids and to all there grandparents house. Had some good visits. I had to get new glasses, there super cute but more money then what i wanted to spend. Now we are preparing for thanksgiving. I am hoping i can go with Jac to Wyoming to go visit with his dad, for thanksgiving. Abby and Lucas will stay here with there dad for thanksgiving. Enjoy some time with there great grandpa. I found out that he has cancer and probably does not have much time to live, he is ready to go home to his wife.

I am the happiest girl in the world. I am so in love with him, never have ever felt love like this before.