Monday, November 29, 2010

Whats next!

I have been thinking a lot lately on whats next for me and my family. I have pondered on what has happened the last few months, how my happiness and spirit has changed. How my gratitude and love has grown. It amazes me on how my life has changed and my attitude at that. How much i have grown and matured through the last several months. Its like i just blinked my eyes and it still feels like its not real at times. In the last several years when i would think about the step of leaving my husband and being a single mom, i never pictured it being like this. I always doubted myself and thought i would never make it, thought love would never find me,a single mom two children who would want that, i thought. I never thought i could make it leaving in my own apartment after leaving him or being able to succeed at all. I felt so down to earth and so for sure on knowing that i couldn't do it and so i should just keeping trying and have more patience things will get better. The wonderful thing about all of this is that i have proven myself wrong in so many ways. I am a single mom of two children, i live in my own apartment, and i have found love again. I have made it for myself and for my children. I have gotten further than i ever thought i would. I am going 5 months without the man i was with for 5 years and i am still trucking along. I am so very proud of myself, for making the best decision i could have ever made for myself. I am the happiest person there could ever me on this earth. I don't have jewels, or riches,or money either. I have family and friends, my children and the man i have fallen so deeply and madly in love with. So whats next for me is a new positive attitude. A new change, and new hope and a new way of life.
Growing up was difficult and i was depressed a lot and then getting married, at that point i thought it was the best decision for me and that it was the right path for me to take, i believe this man was the one. Then after being married for over a year i had doubt and so much had change but i kept trying, the depression was holding on too me as well, and with everything i was going through in the marriage made it so hard. I was not on medicine, i didn't actually take any medicine for depression until over a year ago, now i am off of it. I changed my mind, my way of thinking, the positive attitude, also not letting things getting to me as much. I have learned a lot and i am excited for once in my life to know i am truly happy and i can now look forward to a future of knowledge, hope, love, and happiness.